I haven't been doing a good job of keeping up this blog or my class log lately. I realized last time at Datesho that today would be my last day with the 6th graders and it made me stop and think about what I was doing and why. To an extent, I am sure the class log may be of interest and maybe even help the next person coming in. But more than that, I suppose it was just another element of getting into the role of 'teacher'. I really have gotten into it. So much so that I think to some degree I have forgotten I am just a student and a young person myself. What's the point in getting frustrated over the kids not sitting still long enough to absorb information from the textbook (which, by the way, will be discontinued after this, its first year in use- I am not surprised or disappointed). I came here to be a teacher, and despite what some of the homeroom teachers think, I believe what I have to offer in the form of stories and being able to answer questions is more valuable than textbook material.
I realized today after school, talking to three of the 6th grade girls, that what I wish I were able to do is simply have conversations like that with small groups. I told them that coming here had been my dream since childhood, and finding my dream was a wonderful feeling, to pursue their own. I asked them to be kind and smile and interact with the next AET even if they didn't understand Japanese. One of the girls who was darting about during this was being quite coy and asked me if "penis" was the right word. I said yes, asked her why she wanted to know, told her not to worry about sex when she asked if I'd done it or not. She said she was only 11 years old, so I told her she didn't need that sort of worrying yet. The girls asked me, as always, if I had a boyfriend, and I wouldn't answer, but asked them back. One said she'd had a boyfriend before, for one day. I told them I'd had one for three years, that we'd wanted to get married, but things had gone sour and we broke up. "But," I said, "It's not bad being on my own. Because I'm strong and I don't need a man. Coming here, I have learned what I can and can't do alone,"
And at this point the other girl came back and asked, "You mean sex?" So I scolded her, "That again? How boring. There are more important things. Like understanding yourself." At this point the tall girl I'd been talking to was nodding and the other little girl seemed to agree. I was very pleased with them. When she finally settled to talk with us, the sex-curious girl demanded rather abruptly, "Why haven't I gotten my period?" and it took a moment of explaination for me to realize what she meant. I was a little shocked. It was mostly girls, but there were a few boys not more than a couple feet away. There was just no shame or secrecy about it. After the initial shock, I told her, "Just wait. There are people who don't get theirs until 14 or 15 years old. It's natural. " She seemed disgruntled. "You should enjoy not having to deal with it yet. It's a pain. And it's gross." I told her, and the other girls loudly backed me up, one of them sharing a story about her own (keep in mind I still don't know a lot of what kids say- outside of school vocabulary I'm pretty much a fish out of water). Again I was a bit surprised by their openness. "That's right," I said, "I got mine when I was only 9 years old. I was so shocked. I sprung up overnight to this size. I didn't know anything about it and I thought I was going to die. It was really scary!" I told them. "So it's okay if you don't get it soon".
I gave my classes my email address, and a couple of kids my physical address. Still not sure if that was such a hot idea but I do want to be able to be available for them if they do have any questions or want to talk. I realized that the biggest advantage I had in understanding Japanese was not being able to communicate my own situation so much as to understand and be able to respond to the students and teachers this year. Not knowing what they say and not having a translator on hand would have left a lot of interesting conversations unsaid, a lot of good questions unanswered. I may not have taught much English in that way, but I hope I taught a few things about foreigners. When I told that girl today I got my period so early, they were shocked, but she also said, "Oh, so foreigners have periods too," to which I laughed and responded, "I'm a human being! I'm not an alien! I only have two eyes." I don't think it's just kids who could have such a misconception. There are some adults I have met here that may not realize that fact. We are all just human beings.
I've been holed up in my room a lot lately, and even thinking about getting back on Tegaki. This morning walking to school I couldn't really see the streets for the familiarity of them. The magic really was gone. But coming back today, the sky was heavenly again. The peach and yellow was blocked by huge clouds like billowing sails and the light streamed through them in rays. A seagull floated through the lightly drifting snow. The middle schoolers on their way home said hello to me- one group before I even said hello to them! I got a few "good mornings" and even a Hello long after we passed, to which I answered, "Goodbye!" and got another hello, to which I gave the same treatment. Despite the ice underfoot, walking home in the snow and the heavenly skies, having those introverted and utterly shy young people, beaten and battered about the ears to learn my language, willingly reply to me in greeting...
I have found my reason for being in Japan, I think.
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