3.15.10

It was a tiring day. The 5/2 class the lady teacher teaches was especially awful. The kids wouldn't even respond to Hello. It was as though they just wiped out everything. The two noisiest kids openly wasted tons of time and ignored direct requests and commands to be quiet, and since all the time went out the window, we didn't get to the actual lesson. They cheered and I asked the teacher to have the two of them present and she said, "It can't be helped, it's already time, so we have to end class". Her inflexibility is outstanding. I fear for her future classes.

I ate lunch with the third graders and they were positively roucous. Not to mention I was up until 1am last night for no reason at all. It was a hard day.

But I had class with 5th grade 3rd class again, and it was simply easy. That teacher just knows what he's doing. Maybe I can go to a farewell party next week. I wish. He gave me a thick stack of evaluation sheets the students wrote. Reading them I wish I had done so much more with that class. I engaged with them so little because I was afraid to break things. But the few things we did together were remembered by the kids.

I also collected a bag of cranes from the 6th grade class after we played hanaichimome, I gave a brief (and completely impossible) demonstration of red rover, then we played heads up seven up. Most of them had fun with it, it seems.

After classes I lingered, sang yellow submarine for the gaming boys (one of them loves michael jackson's music and actually knew smooth criminal and billy jean) and a few of the girls crowded around, including Mika (覚えておいてね～ girl), but I realized one of the small boys from another of my classes was hanging around, not really saying anything, but clearly not heading home. He wasn't one of the loud boys. He never shouted except when he was doing the kiritsu. If I had to describe him, I'd say he's very much like a grown man in minature. A friendly disposition and a bright smile. Always listening. Always quick to behave and get things done, but not strict about it. I tried to catch snowflakes on my tongue and when the girls crowded around he tried at it hard, finally reporting back that he caught four.
I wish I had known what to say to him, but after the others left he was still there, so we talked a little. It was him being smart. He said Japan really is a small place, surrounded by ocean, was shocked when I told him Montana was the same size, and said, "It really is a tiny place", so I talked about how there's a lot of different cultures. The one good thing I said was probably that I realized I don't know America at all, and when I go back, I want to travel to New York and Washington and such. I told him to come visit Montana and was more or less just rambling about how there's nature and good ice cream. I think he just wanted to talk to me and I just wanted to talk to him. Maybe I should have just listened more. He's one of the graduating sixth graders, so I won't meet him again, probably. But it was easier to say, "まった会いましょう" than さようなら. That's the thing. While people are alive, they can always meet again. He's going to be a fine person if he can protect who he is now through middle school.

I don't know if I already wrote about this, but I saw Tomoyuki at Wasabi when I went with Yuki and Hiroko last week (before karaoke). It lifted this massive weight from my head to be able to tell him that he's good at English and not to give up, to praise him in front of his mother. I have so many feelings of failure and disappointment surrounding Usuchuu. But he taught me a few words of portrugese. I know his family works at least part time at farming. He was one of the few of the non-first graders who acknowledged my attempts at friendship. He didn't exactly strive to meet them, but it was some attachment in an otherwise empty and lonely school. He's a good kid too. He'll be fine. It's a shame he was stuck in a lousy place for so long.

Tired, so I'm feeling sad, tight in the throat. But it might also be because I really won't get to meet with some really charming people anymore. Time goes so fast. How could I have used it better? If I were honest from the start. The thought comes back to me again. If only I were just an odd and confident creature from the start. I don't think I could be. But now I know. From now on, I know.