Yesterday was Higashisho. Heard the new influenza had showed up there and was a bit nervous. Wanted to chicken out but all those kids would still be at school. The kids were good to me at lunch. Remembered the following names: Daiichi, Yuna, Ayaka, Riho, Ruka. That one girl who doesn't like me went to kid's choir and it turns out she doesn't like anyone. Score!
The other girls there played with my hair without reservation and the little boy from mice club took my hands and swung around with me looking so happy something in me was moved.
On the way to kid's choir Kimie gave me corn. I was delighted to have fresh vegetables, but was even happier when I heard she bought it from Sekinaisho. I hadn't expected something so nice to happen.
Before choir, after work, I had an almost strained take-out dinner at my house with Megumi since she had nervously rejected meeting at a resturant. I hadn't understood why until I realized that casually reading over a Jehova's Witness pamphlet in a place with other people is likely very uncommon. With her at least, it is a completely separate thing from connecting on a personal level, which seems awfully weird to me. Maybe it has to be a private, secret thing. To hide what is being done. Afraid of what other people will think, maybe. If one thought they had the true answer to salvation for all mankind I can't imagine many good reasons for them to be ashamed or reserved. Isn't there some bit in that book that talks about rejoicing and being glad about knowing how to have eternal happiness?
And because I think this way and speak my mind, I was on eggshells with Megumi, trying not to say something I didn't need to and make our working relationship something really weird and unpleasant. But during dinner we talked about food, about nature, and when I told her about the windy night and red earth of Wyoming, she seemed like a living person again. She showed me a picture of the Rocky Mountains more green and beautiful than I had ever seen them. She baked a cake that was like banana bread, but lighter and sweeter and very tasty. I bought apples for us.
This is the most recent email I sent to my mother:
Hi momma,
Things went pretty good last night with my new JW friend. I was geared up to have a discussion and researched a bunch of different words so I'd be prepared, but it seems that she just wanted to read through the first page of the pamplet and quiz me on whether or not I was listening. Fairly painless and she seemed awfully relieved that I would still have anything to do with her at the end of it. I feel really bad for christians who think they have to preach to everyone they meet or suffer damnation. It seems to me that if a person lives their life especially well other people will see that and want to know how. Kind of living by example. That seems to be how kids respect adults anyway- it's not so much what you say but who you are and what you do in different situations. So I figure it works the same with everyone. If someone likes your lifestyle and wants in, teach 'em. So to be a teacher of many people you've gotta live a really fine life. Jan Olsen comes to mind. She faced a lot of crap, not the kind of imaginary persecution christians seem to generate, just a real hard life and a lot of obstacles. But she stayed impossibly forgiving and loving to absolutely everyone she met. That made me want to learn from her. Contrasted to all the other religious people in my life, she never told me about religion unless I asked her. She just lived it.
I dunno, it just seems like a really lonely and desparate lifestyle to make people so uncomfortable that you push everyone away because you're afraid you'll go straight to hell if you don't. But yeah, when Megumi saw my sheet music she invited me to her house to sing and play piano, and she loves The Sound of Music. I asked her if she knew Singin In The Rain and she knew the melody, so I told her I'd teach her the words. She seemed really happy about that. She's a talented and nice person, she just seems jumpy and awkward, probably from years of her religion kicking her butt socially.
So anyway I'm really not lonely right now, my weeks are booked ahead and behind with social events and Julia's going to be out to visit me the week after next. I think we're going to nerd out together.
Roxy and you are in my thoughts. Maybe take some pictures of her. You never know. I know she's in the best and most loving care there with you though. She wouldn't be happier anywhere else in the world.
Love you
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