10.22.09

I've heard Japanese often die from working themselves past exhaustion, but being in a place where people just don't believe in sick days is starting to wear on me. I'm picking up the ear infection that had me considering seppuku last winter, but even telling people I can't hear out of one ear doesn't seem to be a very good reason to skip work.

I went to Higashisho today on sheer willpower and a few kind words from Fiona, I got through, and I'm glad I went. In class with the kids nothing feels wrong and everything's fine. It's so loud and warm and everyone's so energetic, and all the childhood games I introduced went over well. Even the fourth graders who didn't seem to be enjoying Duck Duck Goose much got into it after I played a round with a few of them having trouble. The first graders played the biggest game of Fruits Basket I've ever seen (there were probably over 100 kids), the second graders did a good job of The Itsy Bitsy Spider (they had those gestures down pat) and jumped rope to Cinderella Dressed in Yella 200 times. At lunch the first graders showed me their synchronized Ninja Dance. Being surrounded by so much love it's really hard to feel crappy. It's no wonder even though I was terrified this morning I wanted to go.

But now I really want a day off. I took Tuesday off on account of my throat going into full disfunction, and resting and not talking did wonderful things for it. But just singing Row Row Row Your Boat and A Sailor Went to Sea and talking yesterday at Usuchuu (let's not get started on that- first day seeing the computer room and I have decided Ando sensei is an absolutely terrible teacher) and my throat is back to pot, along with the ear, which will inevitably draw in its buddy. I was thinking I'd have to call it quits on the choir concert, but now I think the koto performance is out of the question, too. Shit.

I'm just tired of going home by bike in the cold and the dark, having to scrounge together food, having no one to talk to me back in my room. But I don't have the time or energy to go socializing. And ever looms the 6-10 page paper that is not writing itself, but is due next week. I need to find the time to go out and buy more cold weather clothing but it's always an issue of fashion. I look weird enough I shouldn't care but I seriously can't figure out what I am supposed to be wearing. Everyone has a uniform but me. But I can't really wear whatever I like to class. This is the first winter in my whole life I haven't had proper clothes to wear, and what a bitch cold weather becomes when not properly outfitted.

Tired.

PS- Uemura-san, who I rarely talk to, just asked me about my health and said I should ask for the day off. And then Sanji, who never talks to me, for no apparent reason gave me a tin of Sakuma's fruit drops.
I'm telling you, there's just no room for a person to feel sorry for themselves around here.