It's Monday and, despite my plans, I did not manage to pull myself out of bed bright and early this morning and tackle the new week. Instead I woke up, felt like a bag of wet flour from staying up till 2am (AGAIN, goddamn I have to stop talking to goshu) when I had stayed up till 6am the night before, passed out with my laptop, rather appropriately, on my lap, and woken at 11am to start the day.
Lately I'm looking like a zombie. I can really tell the amount of not moving (except for getting around ちょこちょこ on the ice) I was doing before I got my chains and became "she who does not slip".
Anyway today was my last day of winter vacation so I suppose it's alright that I called in and asked for the morning off and then blissfully slipped out of consciousness. I dreamed of a family of witches, of dinosaurs and trailer parks. I was a red-headed girl that spent some of the dream unconscious. I think there was some kind of love triangle. I had a sister. I do believe there was also some space station stuff, getting around on escalators and big docking bays and stuff, but it's hard to say. It felt amazing to simply melt into sweet sleep. I reluctantly detatched myself from the bed around noon, got dressed, ate a riceball leftover from last night's awesome temaki sushi dinner with Sakai sensei, and headed out for work around 12:40. Hard life, right?
Walking to work it was so bright out and the blue sky has revealed itself after a long absence. Yesterday was pretty nice too, but today the sky was like summer. The area in front of my apartment, empty since a little while before christmas, had been filled once again with the cars of my neighbors. For weeks I had stepped awkwardly through my own footsteps in an attempt to preserve the perfect white lawn of snow. A car was parked over my makeshift five-step path. I suppose I will never get around to drawing a big face in the snow with my footsteps now.
Everyone's come back. Even the crows were out in greater force, calling each other and scheming over the garbage cages. The school bell rang at one and I ran past a few of my students who laughed at me. Maybe it was just because it was a different time of day, but I really got the feeling that things have gone back to normal. The long, dark, lonely break is over. I took a lot of spur-of-the-moment vacations, ate a lot of convenience store food that is likely to kill me (and did even more not eating at all), slept and did not sleep at strange hours, and spent a lot of hours wallowing online in the dark and cold of my messily neglected room. But I made it through.
I know this means my late night excursions and playing around on gaia might be over. I will try to keep drawing and being artistic but it's time to put back on the big-girl pants and get ready to be a responsible adult again. I even cleaned a lot of my room yesterday. And you know, the break was just long enough to make me be okay with that. I've had enough of being alone, of having no reason to wake up every day or go out (lest it be to fill my angry stomach). I'm ready to be thrown back into the playing field, I think.
Of course my first class tomorrow is at Nagawachuu and being verbally abused and shoved in a corner isn't exactly my idea of a great return. But this year I'm armed with my class journal, have found materials with ideas for activities, and I am determined to talk to these kids. If nothing else, I know there's a foothold in the first and third grade classes for me. Or there was when I left. It will be interesting to see if I have been made an alien or more of the in group over these last three weeks of not meeting.
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